Nothing Left Unsaid

I thought this post would be easier to write.  I realize that no matter how carefully chosen, my words will likely be inadequate. It is ironic since I have entitled this “Nothing Left Unsaid”, and yet, surely, there will be something left unsaid. I went to a celebration of life this week for a truly wonderful woman.  Those closest to her, her family and friends, spoke about what a joyful, giving, compassionate person she was.  It was an outpouring of love that mirrored the love she showed for others.  If light could take a corporeal form, it would be her.  She lived her convictions undeterred by what was trendy. She wasn’t distracted by the shiny objects which hide the much-prized of little worth.  It was obvious in the words of her family and closest friends that she knew what was important- them. It was also obvious that this was no secret between them.  Though I can’t be sure, I think very little was left unsaid. Love expressed and shared.  Faith embraced and lived.  Comfort given and accepted.  Forgiveness and thanks shared in equal measure.  All the little things in life that, in the end, are the biggest things – shared.

At times like this, I find myself taking inventory.  Not comparing one life to another, but really asking myself what I could learn from this moment and what I have learned from this person. In this instance as I thought about my own life, though I have said so very many words, I know I have left much unsaid. There have been gifts which may have been small to the giver but were enormous to me. Yet I know my thanks was a lamb when it should have been a lion.  I am sure I assumed, on more than one occasion, people knew how I felt. In my youth, I was too proud or afraid of appearing weak to show the true depths of my appreciation.  Sometimes I just waited too long and the time or the person passed.  I don’t think I ever came right out and told my father-in-law how much I loved that he let my daughter lead him around by the hand where ever she wanted to go, or how he would get on the floor and play with her until his laughter turned to tears. I hope my grandpa knew he was my hero, but I wish I would have said it loud and often.   I know I didn’t tell my sister (until today) how full my heart was to know that she stayed up all night in the waiting room on the night of my daughter’s birth.  I need to thank the superintendent who let me golf with the guys, despite my hopeless game, because he didn’t want me left out of the conversations.  I wish I had told my college professor that he changed the course of my life by giving me the chance to teach a chemistry lab.  I wish I had told the nun who hugged me every morning in second grade that I loved coming to school because of her. I wished I had thanked the APs who were looking out for me when I was looking out for everyone else.  I wish I had told my principal that I was a better teacher and a better person for having known him.

I am better at this now. Better.  I think my girls know I love them and I am grateful for the community we have built together.  I know I don’t hold anything back at home. I am intentional about gratitude. I try to remember how important it is to acknowledge hard work, talent and teamwork.  Perhaps it is age. Perhaps it is experiencing all of life’s big moments- good and bad.  I know I can do better though.  Here is the thing:  we do not know the number of our days.  The things that matter are not things at all.  In the words of Ram Dass, “We are all just walking each other home.”  What matters is what happens between us.  It’s time to say the things that have been left unsaid.

This is a picture of my husband and daughter sharing a moment on the beach at Kalaloch. I was trailing behind them, mesmerized as they explored the tide pools and talked.  We were heading back in. He threw her up over his shoulders and she clung to his head.  They know this is my favorite picture of them. They also know how much I love them because I never let that go unsaid.

Father and daughter on the beach

The Best Seat in the House
(1/640 sec., f/5.6, 9.2mm, 100 ISO)

Copyright Catherine Matthews 2018.

24 thoughts on “Nothing Left Unsaid

  1. There is an appreciation for others who you unexpectedly found greater connection to than you could ever have anticipated. It makes life richer. Thank you for sharing. JB

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Absolutely beautiful. I wonder sometimes why people are afraid to say what needs to be said. Maybe we forget or don’t understand that we’re all in this journey together, and that what one person experiences is likely what another does as well.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It is a journey that’s for sure. Unfortunately many people are or think they are walking it alone. It can be fear, pride, competition or a whole host of other things that keep us from reaching out. We can and are changing that – one word at a time. By reaching out ourselves, we give permission for others to chip away at the walls that keep us in and others out. Thanks for being one of those reaching out in my life and across the blogosphere!💓

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow Catherine,
    “Nothing Left Unsaid” was a beautiful tribute and reminder to be the truest, honest, most genuine person we can be. Thank you for sharing. So beautiful and inspiring.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Ahhh, Catherine. What a beautifully expressed sentiments. Your writing is quite poetic:’ the shiny objects which hide the much-prized of little worth.’ This phrase in particular really resonated with me. It took quite a few losses before I finally resolved to say what was in my heart to those who mattered to me. And even some who I didn’t know. Random acts of kindness should always be acknowledged no matter how small. One never knows what is around the corner. That’s a hard lesson I have learned. Grief is a great teacher. I think of all all the lessons learned, the gifts left for me from those who have passed. Thank you for a lovely post.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Robyn
      Thanks for your kind words and sharing your experience. I started to think “if I only knew then what I know now” but then I realized life unfolds in the only way it can. In the words of Solas “It is the order of freedom to be preceded by walls.”

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Cat I am reading this crying as we both know I am a soppy so and so. It was your sister staying up all night that got me. When I knew my Mam was dying I tried to say everything. My last words to her were its ok. I can’t remember hers because she didn’t speak for days before she died and it was hard for her to for ages before that. We try, we do our best, that’s all we can do.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply to Catherine Matthews Images Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s